Dear Annie: I was married for 17 years to a woman who I thought would be my only wife. Toward the end, I tried to move our family out of state, away from all the things that were causing the issues (including her cheating), knowing full well I would be moving to a place completely away from my family, as well as hers.

Six weeks after the move, she ups and leaves me and my kids, goes directly back to our old town and hooks up with the guy she was cheating with.

Two weeks after she left, I filed for divorce, and she was served, didn’t show up multiple times and refused to get a lawyer. After about six months, the judge got tired of waiting for her to act and granted me pretty much everything I wanted, including child support.

Here’s why I am writing. Since the divorce, she has kept my last name, constantly spends time with my direct family (with the guy she cheated with) and contacts my old friends. It gets so frustrating because I want her to go on with her life and her friends and family and leave mine alone. It creates tension because I am in a different state and can’t see them as often and get blamed by my family for everything since I am not there.

So ... Do I just cut all my family off? I have tried to make them understand it hurts me and my kids (who she has only visited twice in two years), but they don’t seem to care. They call her their daughter. Because she sees them all the time, they have started to believe everything she tells them, and I just don’t know what to do, especially during holidays. I don’t even want to go down there, but we only get so many holidays as we grow older. The craziest thing of all is that before the divorce, my ex never, ever spent time with my friends and family by herself, but now it is all the time! When I tell them about her not paying child support or not visiting, I get blamed, and I feel like it is not fair. -- Helpless Dear Helpless: That must be an incredibly alienating feeling for both you and your children.

Now that you are officially divorced, why not move back to your old town so that you can be near your family, and your children can be near their mother? I know living in such close proximity to your ex-wife and her new partner is not ideal -- but she is the mother of your children, and this new family dynamic should be confronted at some point. A good therapist might help.

In the meantime, I would tell your family back home how much you value their support, especially during this difficult time in your life. Try to focus less on their relationship with your ex and more on your own relationship with them. “Picking sides” is rarely the answer.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.